Non-Worship

At work today, I was reminded of how these people like to be worshiped.  How, in fact, their aim is to be worshiped by others.

But let me set out to begin with to say that...I year later in New York City...I still won't.

Cranky pants came back from a 4-day trip to China today.  He very kindly brought back a collection of souvenirs from Shanghai (freeze dried chicken claws, cucumber pringles, a 100-yr old freeze dried egg, keychains ...the usual Chinese crazy-sauce souvenirs and food).  He did what he called show-and-tell after the 'tequila friday' that has been happening every Friday at 6:30pm in our office.

note on tequila Friday.  i'm pretty certain that he does this under the mask of a nice gesture, but he really wants to see who is still there Friday at 6:30pm, because in his book he is taking notes and attendance.  that said, since the summer when all the bosses would go to their upstate or hamptons homes at 2pm every friday, that no longer exists and I have to miss Craig Smith's 6:30pm dance class on Fridays every time now.  not happy at all about that.

We all gathered around for his show and tell, and everyone stares at him expectantly to hear what marvelous stories he will bring back to us commoners.  (he did the same thing for his India trip).  sorry if I sound like a bitch about this, but it's like REALLY?!  everyone listens intently (myself included) and laughs on cue, followed by an un-inspired question like today's "cranky pants, what was your favorite food in china?"

this is just all so hard for me to stomach.  the new kid that started over the summer, well, he spent two summers in Hong Kong.  I've been to China twice (AS IF anyone cared to know).  He seriously thought he was bringing back all these exciting things from the other side of the world...but no one dare say, "ya, ya dip, we've been too, let's talk like normal people"

One of my co-workers, the other organizational girl who has been there for 3 yrs has said to me on more than one occasion "he hates that you don't think he's awesome."

now I don't know if she is saying that just to flatter me, which could be true.
or If she really thinks that it bothers him that I don't fall on the ground in front of him to pick the shit off his feet.

I did turn down his job.  i think I told you, but probably a month after I was full-time, word came that his asst. was leaving, and for then the next month, here or there his asst. or the org lady would ask me to take his job.

the whole time I said "hell no!"  'NO WAY'
i'm sorry, but the dude didn't speak to me for the first 2 weeks I was there.  He would literally walk by my desk and not acknowledge me.  I think that's just rude and poor taste.  I was not trying to get into the weave.

okay, maybe my other couple of bosses that I work with don't care if I worship them, not most of them, but with some of the junior staff, you can already see them trying to take the patterns of the worship-me people. it's sick.

the 'worship me' syndrome comes through a lot though masked as the "i'm ivy league and 100% know everything in life" syndrom.  that must be so tiresome.  that problem affects several of my co-workers.

a lot of them, just work so hard to be right and superior.
I don't think there is anything wrong with working hard and working with excellence, but sometimes the superiority just is dripping off.

then I feel really bad for them.  imagine how overwhelming to have to live every day in a way where, on the outside, you make no mistakes.  you are perfect.  you know everything.

that just sounds so tiring to me.
let me be the first to say - I am NOT PERFECT!  not even close.  i'm not the smartest.  i'm not the best-looking.  i don't have all the answers.  I mess up, act mean, hate on people, lose patience quite often. damn though, it's so freeing to know there is this grace that covers that all up and makes it all okay.  every day. it also makes me know I'm not anybody deserving of worship.  God, i hope no one is looking at me to worship.

then when I think of this non-worship idea, it makes me think how we are all equal.  If you think you're someone to be worshiped, then you think you are better than people around you.  You are superior.  You have it more together.  You have more fame, more money, more desirable life - you are better.  But I cannot go with this.  people are people.  we are all humans of the human race.  If you live in a way where you think you are to be worshiped, then you think that you are above others.

doubt it.
newsflash. you're not.

people think they have such open minds.  it's not open until you realize that we all have the same value.  we are all someone's child.  we were all created just perfectly special and terrific.  We all are different and something special, but everyone has it.  We are all people who deserve love - no more, no less.  all of us the same, sitting here with one life, some short measured number of days to figure out what it means for us to live it, after all of which our physical bodies lay under 6 ft of dirt or in a concrete thing or in the ocean if you're ashes or whatever.  maybe my ashes should go in central park, btw.

so long story (not-short) I ain't gonna worship any of these fools.  I will treat them all the same - like people. I will muster all the kindness, care, love to show to them that I can possibly muster as an imperfect selfish person.

and don't worry.  I don't just hold them to this. I didn't worship Tony Stewart or Jimmy Johnson or Denny Hamlin or any of those NASCAR drivers.  I didn't worship Dale Earnhardt when i went to his little ranchy ranch.  I didn't worship shorty Ryan Seacrest.  I didn't worship my dad or my mom when they said they would hook me up with some dollars here or there.  although my friends are brilliant and lovely, I don't hold them up so high as to worship them.

so people did get tricked if they ever think that's how i will act. i will act with respect too.  but there is another thing coming if these people expect something more than non-worship.