NOT Driven by Fear

I'm going to the gym tomorrow morning like I have been doing for the past 4 months.  you know.."i be up in the gym, workin' on my fitness, fitness" -Fergie.

I didn't go this morning.  I was tired and just not ready to go back.

On Wednesday, when I was getting ready in the Girls Locker room after my workout, this assumed staffer was in a massage room peeping Tom on me while I got ready at locker 109 where I always get ready.  I had heard something in there and noticed the door was cracked open, but honestly, I didn't want to see or know or be bothered.

Right when I was about to leave, I heard ruffling noise again and turn and look and someone sees me see him (though I couldn't actually see a person) and he hurriedly I think says "oh shit" and shuts the door and locks it.

In my head I thought, "seriously? really?"  I grabbed my stuff, went upstairs and left.

By the time I walked the 3.5 blocks back to my apartment, I was angry.  Angry for disrespect and injustices to women around the world.  I know my small privacy situation isn't that BIG of a deal, and as my friends know I'm not that modest, I don't really care that some loony perv saw me in the locker room.  But I was mad for broken people that do things to hurt, harm, insult other people.  It's just not right.

I called my gym - new York health and racquet club - 76th street...in case you were wondering.  The lady assistant manager was un-phased, and said that room does connect to the guys locker room.  After I started throwing some f-bombs and getting irate, she apologized to me for my experience.  This conversation left me more livid.

After a co-worker called her center, I got the phone number of the COO, Jeff Bodnar.  I left a vm and sent an email.  Still mad at this point.  Mad that the lady I spoke with at the gym didn't care.  Mad for whoever in her life made her feel like that was okay.  Shocked that the gym doesn't seem to have any protocol in place to handle a complaint like this.  The COO said all the right things when he called me back, that they would see who did this and call them into the office, etc. He said he would call me back to let me know if/how the issue has been resolved.

That was Wednesday. I haven't heard anything back.  I'm still greatly annoyed that this large chain gym in NYC doesn't have something in place to handle when people are violated in their facility.  I can't be the first or only one.

I've felt internally a lot of things about this whole situation.  I felt like, although, I'd personally rather to not even have brought it up, this is what it is like to stand in the gap for people.  I need to say something for all the girls that not nice things happen to.  not right things happen every day left and right to people, injustices, and it makes me sympathetic to those people.

I'm going back to the gym in the morning.
Has word got around to the other staff?  maybe or maybe not.
will they look at me like that's the girl? probably not.  but maybe.
and what if that guy is there?

But you know what...
I don't give a SHIT!  I like that gym, it's in my neighborhood, and I'm not going to be scared off by some little boy who doesn't respect people.  F THAT!!!

what is inside me is more than what is in the world.
the bible says - I will fear no evil, for my God is with me.

that is what I have.

I feel like we as humans can be driven by fear so much.  fear of what others think, fear of losing, fear of judgement, fear of failure, fear of rejection.  but in this situation, I will not be driven by fear.   I will hold my head high.   I will go in there, I will almost pass out of breathe on the treadmill like I always do.  I will go downstairs to the ladies locker room and get dressed.

At some point in life, I have to learn to not be driven by fear.  I will take this chance to step out in this situation and not be driven by fear.