I'M BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!!

crazy not cool how long I have been off of here.but I have great news.

Santa brought me a new laptop for Christmas!!  AND....DRUMROLL PLEASE....we got wireless internet.  I am now a walking hotspot, well, and also a sitting hotspot (for when I'm not walking around my house of course)

I have some back logged posts to post and of course lots of new stuff to write about.

I was supposed to work full shifts today and yesterday, but they got cut.  quite disappointed because I need those dollar dollar bills.  Today I am doing my laundry.  I am about to have to put on my slippers, walk down 3 store fronts to the laundromat and move my stuff to the dryer.  oh city life!  then I have to get on the bus, go to target for cat food and litter so my cat can eat while I'm out of town, and I have to go to Best Buy to get some $$ back on my computer, and THEN .... THEN I have my producer's education workshop at the public access channel tonight from 6-9pm.

and tomorrow my flight departs at 11:30a so at some point in there, I need to pack.  I guess it's a great thing that I didn't have to work these two days, but I will need a job so hardcore when I get back!! yikes.

okay, now to flip my laundry and get this day going right. 
yay, i'm so glad to be back with you.

No Stone Left Unturned...

I really have been working on the job hunt.  I don’t really like to call it a job hunt.  I’m going through this curiosity process.  Here are a couple of the parameters.

What do I like doing?

What am I good at?

What would I feel fulfilled doing for 40 hours in a week?   

I’m not in search of the perfect job.  I understand that all jobs have some good parts and some bad parts. 

I, too, feel like some people in industries that I speak with feel like I am naïve in my search – that 27 year-olds don’t have the experience and right to be in a job they enjoy.  This is something earned, that you are only allowed to have once you have been miserable and worked your ass off at something you don’t enjoy for 10+ yrs…only then, are you owed a position that you enjoy/like. 

I had a conversation with a high-up executive VP.  I am not able to say things as eloquently as I would like sometimes, though I try.  One of my statements was something to the extent of wanting to work really hard in a role that I enjoy and am appreciated for. 

He was helpful, but his response to this was that I likely wasn’t going to find a place with leaders that would appreciate me like I hoped.  He even said that I would likely “butt heads with people” Hmm…not sure what made him think that I would “butt heads” with anyone, as an employee I am completely loyal, sometimes too much so, and forever trying to please my bosses and higher-ups, even if I know there is absolutely nothing in it for me. 

I had this awesome meeting last week with VP lady at sort of the “mothership company” of the company I left.  She had spent 10 yrs at Sony, went off on her own as a contractor for a couple years and has been in her current role for 5 yrs.  Before Sony, she was a sort of hospital admin person.  She learned she was good at organizing and connecting things, so she has made a career of that.  I was not stoked to go to this meeting, but turns out she was awesome.  She actually high-fived me, when I cautiously explained that “I am one of these people that think that I can do anything…”

I had a conversation with a guy trying to hire an engineer.  He found my resume on Monster.   Turns out he needed someone in Long Island to drive around from place to place.  Uhhhhh….for those of you who know me, well, you know…driving is not my strong suite so that was an easy “no, thanks.” 

You know how I volunteered with TEDxBrooklyn and so enjoyed that!  I thought the TED organization might be one that I could see myself working for, but when we had the “founder of TED” at our event, he totally turned me off to all things working for TED.  I still think the org and idea is cool, but dude just talked about how he does nothing to benefit anyone else.  He was a smug bastard.  Though, he doesn’t work there at all, he is old and is now working on other projects…it just kinda made me go “…eh.”

I tried applying at Brooklyn Winery for a cool event position they had, but NO response.  Guess that wasn’t it.

I have done much research in the teaching realm, as some of my friends know.  There is an awesome program called Math for America (check it mathforamerica.org).  It entails earning a master’s degree in math for a NY school the first year and then teaching math in any NYC public school for a minimum of 4 years after the (paid-for) master’s degree.  It is a very cool program that you have to apply for and be accepted into, but I am heeding my friend’s advice that I need to take some time in a classroom before committing to this.  I emailed a couple schools, but no responses yet.  If it doesn’t work this year, I would rather give it time, then jump into something just because it is a planned path that I can wrap my time and mind around, though a very valiant path…it’s still a considered option.

Olympics.  One of my friends here connected me with a lady that works in marketing at the Olympics, go figure, HERE, in NYC!  That’s cool.  I looooved working on the Olympics during my time at Coca-Cola.  It is about the human good, about positive stories, about unique individuals achieving their dreams.  I will hopefully connect with this busy girl at the beginning of next year.  (I probably could get in touch with someone else, perhaps, a superior to her that would give me the time this year…but do I push?)

I have a meeting with another marketing person setup next week.

I say this, so you know, I am trying and I am working on this and thinking about it.

What do I follow in my free time? 

Causes.  Good Ideas.  People changing the world. People Stories. Chickfila. Relationships.  Strong Investments.

I think I would be good working at Halogen TV.  I’ve blogged about them before.  They are a television network about “being the change” and sharing people’s unique life stories around the world.  This could circle together all things I care about, and my enjoying of my last role and working with a television network.  I tried to apply for one job they had, but they wanted someone in Charlotte.  Kinda sucks.  Especially in this digital age of sharing, but perhaps they will come around.

Passion 2k10.  That is something I take off work to volunteer on, and have purchased a plane ticket back to ATL to volunteer with this year.  Maybe I should work for them?

This lady I met with told me about an agency called Changing Our World...that could be cool.  it's the mix of corporate and philanthropy. 

or this Sony Wonder Tech Lab I visited...it's a cool place that could wrap marketing, technology and education...

Long post, but hope you see, I am trying to leave no stone left unturned.  I think I will stumble into what’s next, ha, or maybe I will do something very unglamorous and unexpected here in New York City.  Guess we’ll all have to tune in next year to find out.

Uncalculated

Uncalculated risk. 

Uncalculated next steps. 

Absolutely out of control.  I suck at not being in control.  Maybe I can learn how to be better at it.  I don’t know what I’m doing, I don’t know what’s next, I don’t even have certain expectations. 

I am just standing here, in this moment, waiting to see what’s next.  Praying that “what’s next” is better than I could plan for myself.  Praying that waiting really does pay off – though I’m certain it’s probably not in a way I could expect or plan for myself.  Clinging to the fact that I can trust God more than myself.  I will choose to trust that God is in the “here” and in the “now” even when I selfishly forget about Him in my day-to-day laziness and self-absorption. 

I think about this moment and as I look back at the last year.  I’m not sure how I got here, standing in the uncalculated moment.  I suppose, this is the perfect example, for some of us, life is very much about having full control.  I naively thought, I think, that I had some control over this move and my next steps in it.  Ha, but as I’m here, I’m just now, right now, realizing that I am in the moment.  I am in the next steps.  I am at this place in life where I don’t have what’s next planned.  I will stop right now and be grateful for it.  I believe people live their entire lives always having the next plans made.

There is a song whose lyrics reply that “My God made a way for me.” 

I remind myself that I have been given a beautiful, wondrous opportunity to stand in a gap - A gap in my life, a gap in time, a gap in my spiritual growth – giving Him the opportunity to make a way.  Often times, thinking of God making a way is in bad situations, but what if we could desperately hope that He makes a way for us on the sunny days and on the days when we are strong enough to do it ourselves, but we choose Him?

Is it possible, that there is a small voice saying “You are perfect here – here, in nothing and everything at the same time.”?

Dang, the Very Worst Missionary is throwing it out today...

If you wanna read some truth, check out this girl's blog.  She talks about being a christian and what she thought that shit was supposed to look like...

http://www.theveryworstmissionary.com/2010/12/i-hear-you.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed:+JamieTheVeryWorstMissionary+(Jamie+the+Very+Worst+Missionary)

I like that she makes people think and presents something a lil...no, very...different. Get it, Girl.

Confession

Can I just confess that I feel quite disappointed in myself?

I have been lazy. 

I have time most days, since I have been out of permanent work for (eeks) almost 3 months now, but I don’t think I have been responsible with my time. 

There are all kinds of things that I want to do, and ideas that reel in my mind, but I’ve been so lazy.  I haven’t been reading like I would like to.  I haven’t been journaling and writing like I want to.  I haven’t been music-ing like I want to. 

Fortunately, I suppose, I have this day to turn it all around.  To be who I want to be…I mean, don’t we all?   

I want to be someone who makes the most out of this glorious, free moment I have been given.  I want to be someone who hangs onto God’s words with every ounce of my being, who rises and asks not just “God please help me today,” but one who asks “God, how can I help you today?” 

Life is continually evolving.  It is, indeed, a rollercoaster with valleys so low and peaks so high.  I guess so long as we choose to not get off the ride, then we’re good.  

What if I chose to keep my hands up in excitement and anticipation for the whole ride?  

This is what I would like to choose today.