Actions and Words, Words and Actions

I really hate when people's words and their actions do not match up.  

You can have an entire word "set list" , verbal set of ideas or you know, conversation, but then when the following actions don't "fit" verbal set list the whole thing is a fail. 

In my head this morning, I am thinking about what a shame it is for some people and how I wish there was a way to tell them or bring to attention to help them change and to help them to be the words they are saying if that is what they want to be, but maybe our actions are actually what we want to be and the words are just lip service. 

I've heard that what you recognize about not liking in other people is sometimes one of the things that you don't like about yourself. 

I also am of the school of thought that some of those things/traits that you see in other people and don't like  (albeit personality, opinions, ways of doing things etc.) that you can't change in them...well, the best thing you can do is make sure that you are not doing it yourself.  Sorry my words are getting jarbled, but for example, if I really do not like that my dad sarcastically says mean things or puts people down, besides making a request, I can't change his heart and mind about what is okay and not, but I can make a concerted effort that I will NOT do the same in my life.  I think you can pull this same thing from friends, like, I see a girlfriend being totally ridiculous about a dude, and though I may have heartfelt sympathy and may suggest doing something different, I can't change the choices she will make, but I can decide to not do the same thing when given the situation. 

Okay, I feel like I'm doing a really horrible job explaining. 

But basically, I hate it when people's words and actions don't match. 

I've always been a person that does what I say.  I don't make goals or commitments without following through - from vacations to personal mottos.  (Okay, there was that one time Jess and I started the master cleanse and she dropped from doing it so I did too...so you see, i don't always do what I say I will do)

There are some things in life right now that I need to match my actions with my words. 

I need to join a small group.  I keep saying "i know i need to join a small group" and though in my head there are some reasonable excuses for not having done it already, if I want to be a person that matches actions with words, then I need to do this. 

A couple of months ago, God laid something on my heart about a future life opportunity thing here, and at the time I know this was God speaking into my life, but I have been dragging my feet about taking some of the steps to move closer to exploring the opportunity.  I need to act - start asking questions and figuring out how I can get involved. 

Though I WON'T count myself a total failure in this as I think there are many more situations in my life currently and in my past where I match words with actions - i want to continue to strive to do this.  I want to take the attention off of the other people that I am looking at saying "wow, that action just don't match the words" and I want to put it on me and my life.  After all, in most cases, we really won't benefit from helping someone else to realize this, and honestly, in most cases, we probably won't be able to make someone realize this.  Some things you just have to get there yourself. 

wow. the writing feels weak since I haven't been practicing.  that's okay.  I have to get ready for work now.  womp womp womp.  prob my least favorite part of the day.  well, 2nd to getting out of bed on work day mornings. 

I should be jumping out of bed though. because I have some actions. I have some things to accomplish these days.  upward and onward we shall go. love you. 

Death to Douchebaggery

If I created a super hero, it would be a girl that wore an A-line dress, black over-the-knee boots and went around fighting douchebaggery.  Her super power would be to cut through the poo and put a halt to the terror of douchebags.

Wouldn't that be a rad super hero.  She wouldn't be all female-power or anything like that.  She would just be a nice girl going around helping other nice girls by exposing db's in their ways.

...and then I wake up in real life. I come to terms that it is not my job/goal to try to teach douchebags that they shouldn't be douchebags.  It's not  my job to teach every low-life how to be honest and respect others.  GAH i wonder when they stopped teach the golden rule in schools..apparently it was a while ago..you know, treat others how you want to be treated.  I wish people could see though that there is a much better way for the long-term than being a douchebag, but unfortunately it's a very serious disorder that often trumps a lifetime.

...
what am I really talking about here?

the DB that I had a drink with and totally cold-shouldered me all last week.  I guess he was travelling this week.  I hadn't seen him and was/am OVER the situation/being friends / whatever...just think it's a fishy situation.  He sees me in the kitchen yesterday right before I'm headed out for the night.  I looked hot yesterday b/c I had looked not cute the 2 days before and thought I had saved up some hot-look points.  (yeah, i do think it evens out and sometimes if you look shitty a couple of days then you can look really nice another day...post for another day.)  He is all "I like your boots."  my thought: "hello asshole, welcome back, you've seen these boots before!"  but i didn't say that.

I gave a quick, nice "hey, oh, thanks" did what I was doing in the kitchen then left.
not 2 min. later I had an IM saying "hey. sorry i haven't talked in a while i was travelling and in nashville. how are you?"

my thought: "uhhh hello don't give a shit"
i did a quick "no worries. hope your trip went well. i have to run. have a good night"

I know I shouldn't care.  I know I shouldn't.  and had I not already included you in this story, I would seriously just bypass because the whole thing is just minuscule.

After this exchange, I was HOT (Pissed, annoyed!)  just like, really? are you kidding me?  Some guys are just so f'in stupid.  like dumb.  reeeeeeal dumb.

okay, that's my rage for the morning.
one of my smart (which most of my people are) friends said if I'm angry with the dude and the situation, it's giving him too much mind space already. totally right.

I still have to figure out how to deal with further interactions. I guess i won't presume and take it as is.

this has opened a twinge of hope that I will be able to utilize one of my someecards.  :-)
do i keep with being honest like i have been the whole time?  or do I just completely press "ignore" (I think this is probably what you're cheering).

trying to do the right thing by people...ALL PEOPLE...is quite a challenging thing when you're not dealing with all saints and angels [or people from the south ;-) j/k]

have a great day.
should be a book right..death to douchebaggery.

I am smarter than my thighs.

Sometimes, I have to remind myself how much smarter I am than my thighs.

I have a brain.
All that my thighs have is cellulite...you know, and blood and water and some muscle.
But IIIIII, I control my brain and I will WIN the war against my thighs.

I'm not unrealistic.  I don't need them to look like a supermodel, but there is definitely fat that can BE GONE.  It's just been camped there for a really long time, so I suppose I can understand.  Maybe the fat cells think (if they had brains and could think...which they DON'T) that they qualify for some sort of squatter privilege.  Like they have been there so long that they can live there forever.

Well, not any more.  I've posted the eviction notice!!
It's time to get real up in here.

I've started squatting it out and lunging it out.  These are basically the suckiest of exercise...they are purely just plain awful.

That mixed with concentrating on everything I put in my mouth...I will take them down!!!
Sweets are my absolute downfall and I am seriously considering just to CUT them out..but how long for? and will I just fill that spot with some other carb?  Will I have to waiver between if a pastry or a donut is a legitimate sweet?

I'm sure you all feel me, after all, swimsuit season is right around the corner.

Today's Would-Be FB Posts

Well, today there were too many good stories or facebook posts.  So you...you are the lucky..of which the ones I can remember I want to share to make me laugh later and since I don't have to stay within a specific number of characters...I can say more. ...In no particular order...

• "JERONIMO??"  people have a terrible tendency of looking at anything they want on my desk.  I had a yellow sticky note that had scribbled "Jeronimo tomorrow"  the french dude who doesn't get particularly "tickled" ever (like the rest of the ppl here) laughed when he saw it b/c he thought this was his name in some pet fashion (his name is jerome) .. uhhh.  "no, this is somebody one of the other guys is meeting with that I have to change" ...ha. awkward pause. 
• http://omg.yahoo.com/blogs/aline/mila-kunis-don-t-asked-213935508.html  I wanted to post this article and say how much we have in common, me and Mila Kunis.  we would make BFF's.
• the french guy is going to his sister's movie premiere of twenty&one jump street on Wednesday. I let him know that if he sees Mila Kunis that he should ask her out.  [he is looking to get married before his 40th bday in the fall and i thought this could be a good option..though she isn't brazilian]
• I was really depressed this morning about the brothel discovered on my block.  literally, ON MY BLOCK.  had an email exchange with eeyore this morning as he was travelling.  i said I was depressed about this finding a brothel on my street.  He wrote back: "Sorry about the brothel…there is a swinger club around the block from me, called trapeze!  very odd!! So don’t feel so bad…I think that is even more creepy."   ....this is his comforting me. I appreciated the effort.  even more funny that was discovered last week that he brought a call girl to a sports outing with the office jerk a couple years ago. SMH. oh, people.  
• http://siliconvalleyryangosling.tumblr.com/   i have been in crazy, joyful laughter after being introduced last week to  http://fuckyeahryangosling.tumblr.com/   and  http://handmaderyangosling.tumblr.com/   . then today after seeing my post on my desk, my coworker intro'ed me to silicon valley ryan gosling.  i find these to be HILARIOUS.  most fitting perhaps....??

• I also snapped a photo of my coworkers in the conf room watching a sporting event.  I wanted to post and have people guess what they were watching.  in the south, it's nfl or ncaa, bring on the march madness.   nope, it was the euros watching soccer. 
• "new hipster receptionist at office at other end of floor.  he was a film producer. cute and nice and he wrote his mother's memorial scholarship last night"  the puerto rican receptionist has been gone for months with serious deaths in her family...since before the holidays.  there was another temp receptionist but she got a full-time job and so on Monday, this guy started.  he is tall and lanky and looks like he should play an electric guitar in a band.  he has great teeth and is friendly.  He has a master's degree in something.  He is FRIENDLY.  like crazy friendly, so he must not be from here.  He asked what I did last night.  I told him. Then I asked what he did. He said he had to do some writing.  I was like, really?! what are you writing.  thinking "i like that" i don't tell people enough how much I enjoy writing and how I should call myself a WRITER.  then he tells me he had to write up description for this scholarship in honor of his mom who passes. she was a teacher.  DOH!  ...he said..."well, you asked."  i like honesty.  he said he did his best to capture her spirit and memory. WOW.  She was 63 yo and died in April.  How heart-breaking.  hope he gets to stay longer than just a few days because he seems like an interesting, nice person.  [SETTLE DOWN, people have already told me he has a girlfriend...as they were trying to figure out if he was gay or not.  i have no gaydar so I didn't weigh in, i just thought he was cool]
• dumplings.  you saw the pic of the dumplings?!  gross, right.  like soggy'ish.  it was one of the guys' bdays and he eats these like every day for lunch. literally.  so seemed like a fitting celebration...soggy wrinkly dumplings all around....the veggie one was the best. 

okay, i think those were the high/low lights.  

apparently, the lady on my street was denied bail http://abcnews.go.com/US/anna-gristina-denied-lower-bail-nyc-brothel-allegation/story?id=15858051#.T1afEocS38A

this sad, yall!  i know people make choices, but this is not how things are supposed to be, people buying and selling humans and sex. just not. 

there is a morgan stanley banker involved too and other execs funding this and a bigger online prostitution ring. more to talk about this. 

Virtuous Woman

Good morning, party people!

I hope your Tuesday is off to a beautiful start.  I get into work about 30 minutes early on Tuesdays after doing my reading buddy project with elementary kids in Harlem. I got to read with Juan today.  He is my favorite.

There is a lot more words and background of what's been rolling around in my head, but I've been thinking lately about what it means to be a virtuous woman. I liken this to being classy, but with traits and attributes far beyond physical characteristics.

In the bible, there is a poem about what it means to be a virtuous woman.  here it is...

Proverbs 31:10-31
New International Version (NIV)
Epilogue: The Wife of Noble Character
 ^10 [a]A wife of noble character who can find?
   She is worth far more than rubies.
¹¹ Her husband has full confidence in her
   and lacks nothing of value.
¹² She brings him good, not harm,
   all the days of her life.
¹³ She selects wool and flax
   and works with eager hands.
¹⁴ She is like the merchant ships,
   bringing her food from afar.
¹⁵ She gets up while it is still night;
   she provides food for her family
   and portions for her female servants.
¹⁶ She considers a field and buys it;
   out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
¹⁷ She sets about her work vigorously;
   her arms are strong for her tasks.
¹⁸ She sees that her trading is profitable,
   and her lamp does not go out at night.
¹⁹ In her hand she holds the distaff
   and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
²⁰ She opens her arms to the poor
   and extends her hands to the needy.
²¹ When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
   for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
²² She makes coverings for her bed;
   she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
²³ Her husband is respected at the city gate,
   where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
²⁴ She makes linen garments and sells them,
   and supplies the merchants with sashes.
²⁵ She is clothed with strength and dignity;
   she can laugh at the days to come.
²⁶ She speaks with wisdom,
   and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
²⁷ She watches over the affairs of her household
   and does not eat the bread of idleness.
²⁸ Her children arise and call her blessed;
   her husband also, and he praises her:
²⁹ “Many women do noble things,
   but you surpass them all.”
³⁰ Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
   but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
³¹ Honor her for all that her hands have done,
   and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.
Footnotes:

1. Proverbs 31:10
 Verses 10-31 are an acrostic poem, the verses of which begin with the successive letters of the Hebrew alphabet.

I've been thinking lately of how I really have to embrace my classiness.  There is a partial blogpost at home on my computer I'll have to post later, but just thinking about how it is kinda who I am.  Even though I do and say a lot of things that are not definitely not classy, at the core, my heart is after being the kind of woman above - a woman of virtue - a woman who opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needs, she works really hard for her family and the things she believes in, she is invaluable to her husband and he has every confidence in her.  (could you imagine how THIS could make a girl feel to have her man have every confidence in her b/c she brings him good and not harm every day!?)  

Her character is noble.  She acts with strength and dignity.  Her husband and children respect and praise her.  It says "charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised."  Fears the Lord = acknowledging and understanding the God is the creator and holds the power in this life and that her heart is to be after God's heart.  

I want to begin to embrace this as who I am.  In prayer and expectance that you reap what you sow.

Now, I do wish there were a couple other things noted in this.  Like that's it's okay to have a keen interest in trying out a nudist beach, or that she who also can "pop it and lock it and drop it" is a woman to be admired.

that's okay though.  ...

ooh i like this part too.  "She speaks wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue."

one of my coworkers who I rarely talk about b/c she is crazy (the other asst.) told me last week that I was wise as we were discussing relationships and dating.  We have VERY different views (b/c she is seriously crazy), so this really took me back.

okay. work started hours ago and i want to post this.
hope you have a beautiful day.  be awesome.

The Departure of the Office Jerk

Well, folks, do you remember The Office Jerk.. see previous post.  well, after 3.5 years at the company, Friday was his last day.

He was alright.  He would chat with me sometimes.  He was arrogant and cocky.  He went to Cornell - and apparently this is a trait of most of their students.  He would joke with me sometimes and be cool, but I think it's just because he wanted me to like him.  I try to keep a little aloof with these people because they are used to people being so mesmerized by their greatness that when I am unaffected by the "greatness" this makes him and a couple others want to try to get around to my good side, though it's not really about me, it's mostly about their personal conquest as I recognize.

He did tell good stories as he, like me, has had a varied career path.  He could sometimes make me laugh, though not THAT funny of a person, but more personable than some of the other bankers in the office.

On thursday, we went out for his going-away drinks.  We have drinks here and there for when a person leaves. it's so annoying and obligatory.  I wanted to say I was busy and not go, but I knew people would really not like that.  So I thought, that's fine but me (a person with so much social life...okay ...not really) will only be having one drink and leaving b/c i have things to do.

4 martinis later...and after midnight, the last 4 standing left the bar.
It was fun.
It was my girl, the office jerk and another guy my age, that I don't know very well but he is cool.
We had fun, though, I'm disappointed I forgot to order, the one martini that comes served on fire. yeah, i know, awesome, right!?! I had 2 lychee martinis, a blackberry cosmo and a regular dirty martini which I now know I really don't like and wouldn't drink again. ick.

Oh during dinner, the office jerk, who I think you know was in gotham mag as one of NY's most eligible bachelors.  yeah, right?!  He shares his dating life with everyone.  he is 32yo jewish boy self proclaimed "looking to get Married"  at least that's what his quote in the article was.  He has had 2 semi-long relationships since I've been working there.  right before v-day his last girlfriend and him broke up.  He had dates lined up for the next week.  I'm not "mad" about that, but it does make me laugh.  I almost never meet guys that I would want to hang out with for an extended period of time, and this guy has a
barrel of women in waiting.  We laughed about this.  He has had them on the "back burner" even while with his girlfriend...so umm.. interesting, but I suppose how some people do.  Maybe he will know he has met the one when he only has eyes for impressing the one he is with and not keeping the gaggle on the side warm as well.

At our going-away, he was texting, well, really sexting.  He said this girl that he went out with for the first time the previous Saturday...oh and he reported monday when i asked how it went "we hung out all day and all night" UHHHH.....TMI!!!!!

At the going-away, he said how she has the 7 virtues tattooed on the top of her back and how hot it is.  I thought I was going to see a text pic with these tattoos, but it was a text pic of her chest in a belly-button deep v-cut dress that her small boobs were peeking out of.

UGH! REALLY??!!  this is what a single girl has to do to be entertaining and get on dates.  EYE ROLL.
I think i made some loud comment..sometimes my vulnerabilities show...i was like "really??!! this is what girls are supposed to be doing after going out with someone once ..or actually I think that might have "gone out" or just had sex another time that week as well.  ha! i don't think this guy is looking for a wifey, he is looking for some ass-ey.

I laugh thinking of how different is the man I am looking to find.
But i get it, cheap thrills come at a low cost.  little cost, little gain.

Yesterday was his final departing day.
You know, I am not friends with most of these people in my job like I ALWAYS have been in other jobs.  Partly because I am trying to keep a stronger line b/t work and personal.  Partly because I'm not willing to be 100% open with people that are only interested in themselves.  Partly because I'm using a different psychology here, trying to keep more emotion out of the work...sometimes maybe it can be just work.  I'm not facebook friends with any of them.  And frankly, they don't really ask to know that much about me.

I'm a realist.  I didn't want to say goodbye and pretend that this office jerk is going to talk or hangout with me in the future.  That said, I would be friends with him, but i won't be asking for his time, so with that case, people here are busy, he will work right across the square and I won't actually see him again, unless it's at a larger function like our holiday party, or if he calls to need something in the next couple of weeks, else, i can guarantee you this is the end of our "friendship."

At the end of the day, I got to leave a few minutes early (after the most stupid tequila time) and shuffled in the "elevator closet" in hopes that I could sneak out without saying some grand farewell. I was the last person he told he was leaving when he gave his notice - i said kind words then - and besides, i'm low on his totem pole, well, he is low on mine too! I gladly escaped without having to exchange pleasantries.
[side note: I died laughing when I got his going-away email about how he will TERRIBLY miss the day-to-day camaraderie with the people in the office, etc.  haha! i guess this wasn't really meant for me!]

Later at night, I got a text from him: can't believe you left without saying goodbye.  a little offended.

this of course made me laugh and helped my bruised I-should-have-been-the-one-to-reject-you-divorced-old-guy EGO a little.

Usually, I would debate an honest or sarcastic response, but happened to be skyping with Natalie O. who gave me the perfect reply.

my return text: I hate goodbyes.

LOL!!!!  this still makes me LOLOTT.  laugh out loud on the train!
how cliche'. how perfect.

he said: find. excused this time.

HAHAHAHA!  i love it!

that's the end of his era. farewell, good luck, (nice) knowing ya.